My Bucket List, Only Modified!

Time for another blog. I just checked out Chelsea's blog to look at a picture she posted and I saw she had 3 more blogs posted since last I read her blog. I need to hop on it. I do have to say, that I did have a blog ready to be posted, but I decided against it, since it was mostly about work. Even though it was all positive stuff about work, I didn't want any of my co-workers to read it and be offended in any way. I just got this job and I plan on keeping it.

Right now I am at my sisters house and I just got done drinking some Starbucks coffee so I am ready to ROCK!. I have so much home work to do. I have to bring my boots to the Cobbler and then buy a jacket at target since it dropped 30 degrees and I didn't bring a coat with me for tonight. I need to get my day started.

As usual every Friday night, and Saturday morning/afternoon, I start to think of things I want to do with my life or hobbies I want to take up. I usually think of 80 different things and never follow through. Naturally I want to do them all at once, but I cant afford it and then I get overwhelmed and never do any of them. I figure if I write a list down I will be more adamant on following through with them, therefore making me feel more accomplished.

Here are a few hobbies I am really going to follow through with:

1. I want to take golf lessons

The idea of taking golf lessons came up a while ago between me and my friend Val. We both are sick of going to the bars and we don't like the crappy hang over feeling the next day, so unusually we sit at home and don't really do much. Yeah, I know its lame, and some say that I am turning into an old lady, but I'd rather watch diners, dives and drive ins on Food Network then go out and drop $50 bucks and gain 10 lbs in one night. But, I do need a hobby, and one that will let me meet people. I love my 4 friends I have dearly, but lets be serious guys, I need to get myself out there. I am a very out going person and I can make friends with anyone, but I need to find those friends haha. Last I checked you can't make friends through the T.V. well I bet there is a way to, but that's not how I want to make friends.

Val and I have decide on taking golf lessons so we can be ready for the summer and do tournaments and maybe, just maybe meet some people. I am really excited about this. I did some research and found a few places in Rochester that have lessons. I actually realized that I have a friend that went to the academy of golf and is a gold instructor. I contacted him and he gave me some great advice. I did, however find out that gold lessons run about $50 a half hour. Kinda steep if you ask me, but I want to do it so I am saving my money. I reported back to Val what I found and she came up with a great idea. Apparently her father is like a PGA golf player so she suggested he teach us. I was like, "sounds good to me!" So hopefully we will be on the road to golf and learn well enough to play a few tourneys this summer and make some friends. I also heard that its good to know how to play golf if you'd like to network with some business professionals since its a pretty popular thing to do in the business world. If I don't find some friends hopefully i'll find a promotion.

2. I want to take a cake decorating class

This idea goes all the way back to when I was younger and I wanted to grow up and make wedding cakes for movie stars for a living. One day, when I was in, I think 9th grade, I was watching Oprah and she had on this cake decorated who made wedding cakes for famous people and I was in awe. I knew that was something I wanted to do. Since I didn't go to culinary school and really didn't follow through with it to the max. I've always wanted to take the cake decorating class that Joanne Fabrics offers.

I've wanted to do this for years, and my aunt was always ready to do it with me, but I never followed through with it. The dates never worked, I didn't have enough money or what ever the case, but I just didn't follow through with it. Now, I am ready to do it. I have money to pay for it. Today I looked up the class schedule on the web, it is not posted so when it is I am going to sign up for it. Its only $21 and there are three level of classes. Each class is about 2 to 3 hours. Its not bad at all and I am really excited. I am going to do all three levels. The reason why I am determined to do this for the Month of March is because my friend Chelsea is getting married. So in my head, I'm thinking, if I'm good enough at it, and if she wants a simple cake then maybe, just maybe I can make a wedding cake for her. Now, I know this is a big task and a big part of the big day for someone, but its my motivation. Even if she wants to buy her cake, I'm OK with it, but if I have something to actually showcase my skills I'll have, then I'll follow through with it more. So....I am taking the cake decorating class.

3. I want to travel somewhere tropical with just my girls.

Ever since I can remember, my best girl fiends and I have been talking about going on vacation together. finally we all have real jobs that pay us decent money. Now we can really go somewhere fun! My cousin Christine is always down to go anywhere so if this doesn't go through at least I know I will be going somewhere fun with her. I really want to go to an all inclusive resort in the Caribbean. But, i think that may just be too much to ask. Sometimes, we all say we are going to do something but it always falls though. I am determined to never let this fall through. I want to go somewhere on a beach and just sit and get tan and have drink with my girls all day long. Last night I was looking up Tahiti and Fiji and Bora Bora. Now I know all of these places are way too expensive for us, but honestly I would love to go there. All of those places are absolutely beautiful though. I seriously cant get over how pretty they are. When I get married, If I get married, i will definitely be heading to Tahiti to stay with my husband in a hut over the water, its really not that ridiculously priced. But as for a trip with my girls, I'm thinking somewhere in Mexico or maybe even just Key West could be a destination for our fun vaca. I just want to go on a fun vacation with my friends. I haven't really gone anywhere with my friends, when I have money. If I have gone on vacation with friends, its not all of them at once. I remember sitting in the airport flying to CA and seeing these group of girls all heading to Vegas together. Someone asked what the occasion was and the girl just said, "there is no occasion we all just are good friends and wanted to go away together!" So, I am determined to do this.

Finally......Number 4!!!!

Speed dating!!!!!!

Once again, my friend Valerie and I want to meet new people. After getting out of my last relationship I am in no hurry to start dating someone nor am I infatuated in having a boyfriend to watch movies with and just hang out with. I'm over that. Now I want quality. the next guy I date will be someone that I will a) not take shit from and b) just be someone that is everything that I want in a boyfriend. I know it sounds unrealistic, but I know its not, Ive seen it happen to other girls, so i know it will happen to me. In, the mean time whats the harm in testing the waters and doing something fun like speed dating. Val's aunt was the one that gave us the idea. How fun right?! If you are not familiar with the whole speed dating thing this is how it goes.

In Rochester its hosted by Cupid.com, so you know its legit and not like a murderer's festival, then you pick the day you want to go and you go to the spot where they are having it. Usually it is at the Strathallen Hotel downtown, very nice place. There's a total of about 20 people, men and women and all the women sit down and so do the men. you get about 5-8 mins of talking time with the guy sitting in front of you and then someone rings a bell and they men have to rotate to the girl next to them and you get a new guy sitting at your table. this goes on until everyone meets everyone. If you are interested in someone you tell the hosts and then they will get you in contact with that person. there is no exchanging phone numbers, so that is a plus so you don't have to have deny the guy right then and there. Talk about adding to the awkwardness already happening.

I don't know why I find this so much fun. Everyone is like aren't you afraid of meeting weirdos. Well of course, but going out downtown Rochester is like a weirdo festival, so it won't be anything different then going to the bars. I think its gonna be a lot of fun, and it'll be a great topic to talk about with people. I honestly just picture me and who ever i go with laughing the whole time and then going gout for drinks to talk about our experience. So, I don't know i think it'll be great and I will definitely be blogging about that when it happens!!

So those are my four new things I want to do soon!!!
I;ll be blogging about each hobby or event so I can keep everyone updated.

The never ending battle!

After writing my first blog I was so excited! It really is a lot of fun. I hope I get some followers. Now this post is more towards my girls that are in the same boat that I am in with goals to loose weight before the summer.

Between my cousin, my sister and myself, we are constantly trying to loose weight. Sometimes we are trying to loose unrealistic numbers, but for the most part we are all trying to loose weight to be healthy and to feel as good on the outside, as we do on the inside. Speaking of the inside I think that is where my weight loss battle really begins.

Ever since I can remember I have been trying to lose weight for one reason or another. My freshman year in college is when I lost the most weight and didn't even realize it was happening. I dropped more then 20 lbs and kept it off until recently when I moved back home from LA and gained 15 back. Talk about disappointing. So, I did what most women would do. I cried, ate everything in site and still tried to fit myself into pants I wore at the beginning of college just to make myself cry some more. After that was over with I got my head together and really started focusing on loosing the weight.

I went to the gym and made the personal trainers write me a new program for new weight and cardio exercises. I was supposed to go at least 3 times a week and do at least 45 mins of cardio. Well that lasted about a week. The eating healthy part was even worse. I stuck to eating healthy for about 2 days. So, after a week of falling off the wagon and eating everything insight on the weekend to have a fresh start on Monday, I tried the weight loss thing all over again. I fell off the wagon yet again.

Though out all of my on and off the wagon weeks, I did seem to lose 4lbs. But today I am starting new and Fresh! My goal is to loose 30lbs by the end of May. I think that is very possible. I want to get my cholesterol down below "borderline high," as my Doctor says, and I definitely want to decrease my chances of getting diabetes. Another thing I want to do is increase my energy. I always noticed that this would happen when I worked out regularly and I just felt better about myself.

Now that I have an understanding on why I want to loose weight for the healthy aspects of it, there are also mental and emotional aspects of why I want to loose weight. I don't know where to begin with this, but lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and analysing why I may not be able to stick to my efforts at loosing weight right now. The biggest thing I found was that over the years I have become an emotional eater.

I never classified myself as an emotional eater because I honestly wasn't. I used to have way more self control and I ate because I liked to. If I was sad I didn't really look at food to fill a void, and if I was happy, at that point in my life, I would just go out with my friends and get drunk lol. We were young! But now, I have turned into an emotional eater. People tend to associated emotional eating with unhappiness, but i was pretty freaking happy out there. My eating started to increase when I was happy. I saw how happy I was getting when I had a fun weekend planned with my friends, that consisted of us consuming a lot of unhealthy food. I mean I would get way too happy about going some where to get avocado egg rolls and heart attack fries. I mean lets face it, heart attack fries? Well, I think that name itself screams the person consuming them is going to die in only a matter of time. Even though I saw myself eating more in LA I still kept off my weight and actually lost about 10 lbs while I was out there. That's why I didn't really look into it that much at that time.

When this was all happening I never realized how fast and easy that weight came off, but I still wasn't happy. You always want to loose more. Now I look at myself, having gained 15 lbs and I'm extremely upset that I let myself gain so much weight. It was so easy to gain it back!! Of course when I was at school I was walking at least 4 miles a day and I am sure that had a lot to do with it, and during the week I could only afford fruits and veggie, so there was the ideal diet. I owe the Mexican grocery store I shopped at a lot, since it priced good stuff so low lol.

With all this happy emotional eating, as i call it, in mind I have to come to some sort of conclusion with all this. This is what I have so far. Eating plays such a huge role in my family life style that it is inevitable to stray from it. I consider my friends family. On the weekends when I was with them, it was only bound to happen that we were all going to get together and eat. But, I would be good during the week, so i didn't feel as bad.

Now to acknowledge the sad emotional eating. My second year in college I met this guy. I though things were great. But, looking back on it, I now can see how unhealthy the relationship was. Many times, he compared me to his Ex-girlfriend and told me over and over again how he liked her body. He would tell me that his friends called me fat and that when they saw my picture the first words out of their mouth were "wow the late night eating and boozing is caught up to her!" I would always try to brush it off and be the strong woman I am, but it was tearing me down big time inside. Over and over again, I would hear his side with his friends and tell me that he thinks they were right and that I am unhealthy and that if we were to get married I would need to watch what I eat because he didn't want someone he was married to be over weight. At this point even though he was being mean to me, I thought we were going to get married and I could only think about "what if i got pregnant?" "Would he leave me if I gained weight?" "If i like to eat now, then its only gonna get worse when I'm pregnant!" This is when I saw how I was turning to food to make my sadness go away.

When I was upset, I'd call my cousin and the first thing we would do is grab something really bad to eat. Or, we'd go to a bar and drink and then get Del Taco on the way home. When ever I cried, I would eat and it would make me feel better. Well at least sometimes it would, then I would be mad at myself for eating so much and I would feel even worse. I couldn't win. But, even though I ate this way, I still kept my weight off so I didn't worry about it as much.

Now, home in Rochester, 15 lbs heavier I saw how my emotional eating has gotten out of control. I was still in the relationship with this guy up until November and I wasn't exercising as much as I did in CA. But I ate just as much, if not more. My whole relationship consisted of tears and being torn down about my physical appearance, I just kept eating what ever I saw in sight and every mondayI would start a diet. I just kept gaining weight. Finally, fed up with my relationship and at a low point with my life, i knew i needed a change. I got rid of the asshole, pulled out my skinny jeans and got serious about loosing the LBS! I look back and can't get over how I let that asshole bring me down like that. But it is what it is, and now I'm moving forward to it. Mine and his relationship is a whole different blog, if not 5 more posts.

Today, February 23rd, I am finally starting this for real. I'll be honest I got off to a rocky start though. I didn't eat breakfast, the most important meal in the day to jump start my tabo(my word for metabolism), and for lunch I ordered a turkey and cheese pianni. Thank god my buddy at work was hungry and he ever so nicely hinted to wanting half of my sandwich. Knowing that I shouldn't eat the whole thing, I gladly gave up half, and if you know me, I dont share food, and I drank my bottle of water and felt satisfied. I said, "buddy, were going to help each other todya, I need to loose weight and you are hungry, so you will help my by eating half of the sandwhich and I'll help you by making sure you are not hungry!" I planned on going to the gym, but i didn't make it. I was starving so I went home for dinner around 8 and ate some baked chicken tenders and lots of salad, and then had a low-fat chocolate pudding cup with fat free cool whip! I can feel my pants getting looser already.

I plan on sticking with this. I need to. I want to feel great this summer and my goal is to be able to wear a white tank top from old navy with jeans and heals and just look hot! I am finally not changing my body for a guy, I am doing it for myself and I think maybe that is why it will work this time. When i lost 20lbs years ago, I did it for myself, not for anyone else. I am starting to think of how I can still hang out with friends and go to restaurants, but find self discipline in myself to realize I enjoy the company of friends more then food. Don't get me wrong I may not always go for the chicken salad with oil and vinegar, but I promise I will be more conscious about what I am eating and i will eat to feel full, not eat to feel like I am going to puke.

I'm happy now and I feel like this is the time it is going to work. I know I will have set backs and I am not going to loose 20 lbs in a week, but at least I'm in the right mind set.

So to all my ladies out there trying to loose weight. I'm here for you sisters, we are a diet tribe and we can make this happen! I will be regularly blogging about my success and my set backs, but I will always be encouraging myself to keep going and I will never fail on you! Stay focused and don't think of this time as a painful diet. Think of this time as life, and the faster we change our eating habits, for what ever reason they may be the way they are, and we increase our exercise, we can't do anything, but succeed! Feel free to comment and give suggestions.

If you didn't get anything out of reading this post at least remember to love yourself for who you are and never let anyone, take who you are, away from you.

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”

~Sophia Loren

24

Twenty-Four. No, not the show, but the age. That is where I am right now in life. I am 24 years old. I can remember being 18 and thinking to myself, I think the perfect age is 24. Why did I think that? I thought that because it was the age that you were right out of college, you had your first real job, there weren't that many responsibilities resting on your shoulders and the best part, you weren't 25 yet. Being 25 years old seemed like such a responsible age. I've always pictured 25 to be an age that your life was going in a direction that you will be in for the rest of your life. I pictured a long term relationship at 25 years old, probably ending in marriage by either 26 or 27.

But now that I am 24 I am more confused then ever and everything I thought when I was 18 is so out the door. Twenty-four is an age that comes to you with a big slap in the face. Like a slap so big it makes your head spin in a direction that you never thought you were going to head in. I am still not fully graduated from college, I just barely got my first real job, and by June of 2009 my responsibilities will consist of paying off huge student loans that everyone once said, were going to be the "best investment ever." Wow, were they wrong, I could be in the same place in life and about 80 grand less in debt, but I listened to all those people. Many times a day, I wish I hadn't.

Now this blog is not gonna consist of me just complaining about life, but I think it is going to consist of many real thoughts, that people my age have and many real comments that people my age say all the time. So, lets get back to the age thing. Now that I am 24 years old I see how life in no way can be planned. Over the past 3 years my life has taken turns and taken me to places that I never thought I would end up. But, for the most part, I am happy where life has taken me and on January 9, 2008 I saw the true meaning of "everything happens for a reason" saying.

Totally confused and finally out of a very tumultuous relationship, I deiced to escape to LA on Christmas day to be with my family in California. I had lived out there for two years while going to college at the University of Southern California and I really missed it. For two weeks I caught up with family members and sat and drank a ton of tea and ate sushi like there weren't going to be fish in the Atlantic anymore. The best part of the trip was sitting with my non-speaking English uncle and watching every game show possible. I had a blast! It was definitely what I needed. I had my share of alcoholic beverages and went to a glamurous New Years Eve party in the Hollywood Hills, but the part I loved best was watching game shows! I talked to my cousins about where I was going in life and how I had a few set backs with the last of my classes I needed to graduated and I got nothing but encouragement from them to do in life what ever I dreamed and everything was going to be OK.

While In LA, my sister called me and told me about a open position with a company that she worked with. Since I had been furiously looking for jobs I said, "I don't care who it is for or what position it is, send in my name and I'll send in my resume." Since I went to school for Music and I wanted to work in the music industry I also applied to a few jobs with Sony Music and also with Warner Brothers Music Group. I was the girl that said, "I will never be the girl that doesn't work in the field of my major, I will always be working in the music industry!" But, I learned that that is not as easy as it sounds. Applying to the music companies, that entailed me moving back to LA, a step that I was not sure I was ready to take again. Within a day I was in touch with the hiring manager of the company in NY and I had an interview set up for the Friday I came back to New York. Not knowing if I'd get the job or not I still looked for position in LA, but I was looking forward to staying in NY if I did get this job.

I came back home more confused then ever, torn between do I want to move back to LA or do I want to stay in NY? I told myself I would let life take its path and I would see what happens with this job interview. Finally the day came and I got up extra early, but still happen to leave my house late. I hit traffic on 390 and then got lost off of the Broad/Brown exit and ended up being late to the interview. Since I have always been told being late to an interview was a dead giveaway you most likely wouldn't get the job, I thought for sure this would be my last interview with the company. After 15 minutes of talking with the hiring manager and another woman I would be working with, I felt the interview went really well. I called my sister to tell her how well the interview went, but adding that it only lasted 15 minutes it, didn't seem to impress her.
I went back for two more interviews and finally I was offered the position.

Finally, I felt I was getting a head in life. For months I had been freaking out about not having a job and not knowing where I was going in life. When I mean "freaking out" I mean full on quarter life crisis style. I was a mess! I often though that I made a huge mistake about moving back home. I was missing out on so many oppertunities and I was loosing so many chnaces to get in the "right" direction. But what was that "right" direction and why did I need to be in it at 24 years old. Of course I had a ton of expiernce in the music industry at this point in my life but since I wasn't going to be working in it right out of college, will that lessen my chances of ever getting a job in it again? All of those questions that were so unasnswered were making me crazy. But, then everything worked out and I finally got a job. The position had nothing to do with what I went to school for but I gladly took it and 2 weeks into it, I love it.

Now I look at the age 24 with a whole new take on it. The biggest acomplishiment I see in myslef at this age is seeing that life will take its own path and "everything does happen for a reason." Everything ends up working out and I will always have plenty of oppertunities to do what I love. I love being around people and talking to people and the job I have now is perfect for me. Being happy in a work enviorment will allow me to get more out of my job now, which will then allow me to bring it to another job and hopefully will show I am a better canidate for the new job then someone else will be. Finally I don't cry at the drop of a dime when someone asks about what I am doing with my life. I may not have a set plan, but that is the beauty of it. I am free to make any decison I want to make and it will be a great one as long as I take something positive from it to bring to my future.

Twenty-four is a good age, just as I thought it would be when I was 18 years old. But, it's is so much better then I thought it would be. As of right now, I still consider 24 to be the perfect age.